I remember the days

I remember those days, to be truthful to my mind and heart, I will always. I am not a mourner but yeah the separation made me so, nevertheless I tried to get out of the awful days, to found my self, my own identity. I had always loved myself until 2017 summers when I unknowingly stopped loving myself, loved him even greater than I ever loved myself. While writing this, I am currently thinking why am I devoting even bits of my mind, heart and pen if I am truly over from him. Why I even remember the things that were the most trivial to him. Why those voices, the memorable talks, the soothing calmness that his voice brought, the blushes he bought are still not replaceable. I have forgotten nothing of him, every memory stands still, just the reason why I am calm is that I have gained enough control over myself, and may be disappointed or afraid enough not to approach people who didn’t even cared. I know everything was not alright, else why would it have ended. I failed to realize that some mistakes could end something beautiful as dead forever. But I also wonder, how can someone turn around their words, forget all memories in a shot, can cast promises to words, and the bla, bla, bla which already took a great part of me. But really, assuming him dead worked best for me, since only thing to assume now is there is no scope left, I could have been loved if he was here, the only thing is he’s not now. I think this is now not only an assumption, but as a matter of fact, that person is really not there in the world. I can never find him, never. Dear memories, please go away like everything, hate you enough now!!